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"Inside the Box"

FINDING ME ~ About the song

Divorce...  It's like a death.  Like a scar you can't ever seem to get rid of.  The pain might go away, but it's still there as a reminder of what you went through and what you never want to go through again.  I never thought it would happen to me, not ever.  My parents celebrated more than 50 years as well as both sets of grandparents.  In the house where I grew up, divorce wasn't an option.  But then it happened.  Someone once said, "there's her side and then there's his side and somewhere in the middle is the truth."  That's about right.  But this song isn't about her or what went wrong or right.  This song was about me, or at least what was left of me.  Somewhere in the middle of our relationship, I started becoming someone I thought I was supposed to be, or maybe someone I thought she expected me to be and when it was over, I was left with some version of myself that I never saw coming and still have no idea how it even got there.

 

when she said goodbye a part of me died and I wasn't sure how I'd go on

cause I thought that she was the best part of me, but something told me I was wrong

it was that little small voice i heard as a boy that started talking to me once again

just like everything else, i'd lost myself and it was time for me to begin

finding me after all of this time

cause I gotten lost trying to live a perfect life

and I guess that I'd forgot who I was supposed to be

so I'm taking some time after her just finding me

 

I guess there's plenty of songs that have been written about putting on fronts or "the show" so that no one can see what's really going on.  What's the old saying, "If Walls Could Talk?" You live in a perfect little house in a perfect little neighborhood, driving the nice car, wearing the right clothes to the nice little job, and on and on it goes.  This picture of how things are "supposed" to be.  But behind closed doors, it's off…it's way off.  I think we both got lost trying to live that "perfect" life.  

 

grabbed my old fishing rod, went down to the pond

to see if i could still cast a line

it don't make sense that I ever quit

guess I just never made the time

and maybe later tonight I'll go out with the guys

up to that new place downtown

and I'll shoot some pool, maybe drink one or two

and I won't let myself get down cause I'm finding me...

 

I love fishing.  My daddy told me once that if I had spent less time fishing when I was growing up and more time on the guitar, I'd be a much better musician by now.  But I think I'm a pretty good fisherman… course, I probably should've practiced more seeing that I make my living on stage these days! haha 

 

You know, I think that in the three years of my first marriage, I might have went fishing once…if that.  And no, I didn't get a divorce because I didn't go fishing as much…it was everything. Seems like I was always to busy doing something else and never doing any of the things that made me the person that I was.  Yeah, when you get married things obviously change and you have responsibilities and all that, but to completely lose who I was, that was a mistake.  The person that she was drawn to in the first place was gone and replaced by a non-fishing, overweight, lexus driving, pleated pants wearing, desk job kind of guy that showed up out of nowhere.  I think she lost a good bit of who she was as well.

  

I started that second verse about fishing because it was one of the first things I did after it was all over.  I just sat and watched the water.  Didn't catch a thing. Didn't even care.  I just needed to spend some time with myself doing something that felt natural. Then a few weeks later I met up with some friends downtown at a place called Roberts Western World for a burger and some great music. I was the last person to leave…literally.  Piece by piece, I started putting myself back together, rediscovering who I was supposed to be.  No quick fixes because there are none…just a gradual kind of thing.  

 

I don't think I'll ever be the person I was before because as they say, I've got some baggage.  haha  Plus, for better or worse people change as they get older.  I know I certainly have and I think for the better!  Whenever I look back at that time of my life, there will always be some hurt and regret.  But I think it's those rough spots, those valleys that make you stronger…better than before!  

 

Kim and I are so proud of how this one turned out.  Hard to believe we wrote it so long ago.  What, maybe eleven years ago now?  Wow, time flies…but this song still means a lot to me because every time I sing it, it reminds me of who I am now, who I'm supposed to be.

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